she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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