I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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