Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
