you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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