fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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