Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
