Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
