I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
