I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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