You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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