dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
did i walk over a car last night?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
