She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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