It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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