Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
