I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
