so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
