have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm like, not good at living.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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