I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
