i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You ruined the universe
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
