today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
