remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
