My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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