I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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