I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
