i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
