it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
