redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
