my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
