Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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