Your mouth is God's brothel.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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