You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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