Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize