Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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