I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
