How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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