You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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