dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
