They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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