you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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