It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
