Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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