TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
