Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
