Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
