That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
