Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
