Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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