Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
