He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Come on in and take your pants off
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