it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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