Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
