i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
