please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
