i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
