I just threw up on my dentist
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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