brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
