Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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