Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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