we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
bring money and cleavage
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my poor anus
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
