he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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