i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
