I just cut my nipple shaving
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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