And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
