I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The beer is more important than you right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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