I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
