My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So squirting runs in the family.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
