Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
