Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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