Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
