OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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