I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
