Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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