I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
