he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
