I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
