I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
