Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
