Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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