when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
