and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
