I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I will pee on everything he values.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize