I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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