The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
